I get asked alot why ( or how ) I chose to be a part of RRR247 . It always brings a flood of emotion to my thoughts and sometimes I say it was about Finding MY WHY and my passions purpose – and sometimes I don’t. Sometimes there are so many reasons, ones I would love to be able to share with anyone who will listen. And sometimes its so very close to the raw surface I can hardly think about it let alone speak it . But it comes down to My people are MY WHY. My kids , My grandbabies , Myself . Finding MY WHY is to have a better way of life while helping along the way and being able to enjoy My people before we all leave this world as we know it .
I’m the baby of the family and everyone assumes that because of that ,that I had it an easy life . Growing up was good we always had our needs met and though my parents worked a lot , we didn’t seem to miss much . We didn’t travel much , but we did do fun things and it seemed that we always had people around us to join in fun . That changed when I was 10 and my parents divorced abruptly and it was not pretty . My siblings were a handful of years older and pretty much went their own ways ( teenage “bad choices” started here with everyone ) Looking back Finding MY WHY was starting without me even knowing.
Finding MY WHY-The seeds had started
I bounced around a good bit- and I mean like every 6 months or so went from one parent to the other. Let me add that a school year is 9 months , meaning I never was even in the same school ,state or area very long. I’ve come to know my parents were just regular people that did the best they knew how with what they had . I have always been determined to do better than that . I don’t mean that in a blaming way at all , I just wanted better.
My Father remarried to a manipulative woman that had great domestic qualities but she was not a great Mother/Step Mother . And then My own Mother became a drinker . My siblings tried to make lives for themselves but were damaged as well . We all have children of our own with failed relationships under our belts . We have all been caught in the cycles of broken homes and broken hearts wondering how it happened . I still always wanted more . Being a God Fearing girl , I prayed a lot .
We Dont Know what we DONT KNOW
My Parents both ended up dying before I was 30 years old at separate times. I survived Cancer but it is a battle that lurks always. I had more than one long-term relationship after a divorce and fell into abusive relationships back to back . ( physical and emotional ) My kids suffering the damage as well, which is something I swore would never happen . I found myself at a Domestic Abuse shelter for 9 weeks , with my children. No money, no job, no car , no home , and no family to depend on . And a custody battle for years to come .
MY Why had always been My people, My kids. So now I really had no people , and I had failed my kids in more ways than I could count . They say when you hit rock bottom , there’s only one way to go , and that is UP . This is when God was showing up and staying in my life as well . Good thing to because I was going to need HIM more than I knew. I want to add too that I don’t share this with people , up until now . Because Finding MY WHY , may help you FIND YOURS.
The Climb and Struggle Finding MY WHY
So I had to start from scratch and I tell you that I wanted to give up more than I wanted to go forward . But something kept getting me out of bed and pushing me on. Yep you got it- MY WHY Those kids of mine are hungry and they have needs and I was going to be damned if I ever let them down again. Not Ever . I did not have a dime and I had no plan… But I had a driving force , MY WHY. This is no short term thing, nothing is going to come easy and it wont be a quick fix. This is going to take a long time . And a long time indeed it was . Years of struggle .
So I struggled. And Hustled and struggled some more . I was no longer Finding MY WHY , but had found it . Or haha, it had found ME . Was glaring in my face at all times . It also came with some guilt on my part knowing that I had not done things the way I had hoped my life would go . And now here I was . I was a waitress , bartender , I did field and harvest work. I was working at a grocery store . because I did whatever I could to make a dollar , while I still tried to be present for each moment with the Kids . I’ve known tired and defeat and anger let me tell you .
Need and want for something better . Need and want for peace and security. I became a CNA . Not my dream but it was better . I have always been a nurturer by nature a giver not a taker . I had to work on the boundaries .I love to pay it forward . After a few years I had an injury at work , pulled shoulder right out of socket and could no longer do that job. On to nursing school. Reminding you that school was not my strong point . I did accelerated courses and went 6 days a week as a single Mom . Then I became a nurse in 9 months . And I can tell you caring for others , the sick , hurt young old dying is not easy. I was giving and giving and giving . But I was in that Pay it forward environment right?
MY WHY MY LIFE
Certainly I wondered who was taking care of me haha. Finding MY WHY had been a permanent fixture in MY life . I was asking God continually to bring me some luck or opportunity that would allow me to be at home. But I Was secretly looking for things while I kept the grueling schedules of nursing and single Mom life . I wanted to enjoy the kids, have a limitless income with time to do as I choose while I can still help others . Was I crazy ? There has to be something more . And after 15 years in healthcare and all the heartache heartbreak sweat and tears , RRR247 somehow found me.
My prayers were answered . I was jumping in with both feet with a trust in God and Trust in Rory and Tanya and their vision. We share values and they are truly MY family . I can still pay it forward in huge ways! I have never had a more caring and supportive and loving environment in my entire life . They nurturer ME and MY WHY . And now I am here , quit my nursing career with no regrets and I am so grateful. I am able to put My kids and grandbabies first , I have Time freedom and I have the ability to help others as well as teach others to do the same . I want my grandbabies to have it so much better than we did . Part of Paying it forward is for them as well .
So let your Why , make you Cry , til it creates the drive to a better purpose . I have the Freedom and the loving place that i can help others . I am happy and healthy , more than I have ever been and that is priceless .
Response Magic